tinkcabell

Yesterday my sister and two of my cousins helped me decorate my classroom and sort out the library. The cousins spent the night, kept me up til all hours, then we got up at 5:30 and wer back to the school by 7:30 where I kept setting up and cleaning in between meetings. I am supposed to go to my Tai Chi class in half an hour, but I honestly don’t think I’m going to make it. I really want to go. I think I’m just going to shake off this sleepiness, and go. I’ll be home by 8 and can go to bed with a clear conscience. Ok. Gotta leave in 2 minutes to get there in time to change. TTFN

To those of you who read and/or commented on my blog for yesterday, thanx for the feedback. However, I did want to clarify one point. I was not being hard on myself, or least I didn’t mean to be. I was just making a comment. Maybe I am too hard on myself with regards to other things too. I was in a meeting for work today, and I couldn’t think of a good thing to say about my abilities as a teacher. Others kept saying positive stuff, but I wasn’t feeling it. I was actually given advice to make positive affirmations about myself. I’ve never REALLY thought about it before but negative thinking habits can be as detrimental as negative eating and exercise habits. So, that’s another thing to add to my growing bag of tricks. Positive thinking. Now, that’s WORK.

I was rereading my profile yesterday, and when I got to the diet part, I realized that I had dropped the ball big time. I have been home for the summer. No work. Did I take this opportunity to drinks gallons of water and flush out my body and all the other great things water does for us? Nooooo, not me. Did I eat 5-6 servings of fruit and vegetables? Of course not, don’t be ridiculous. So here I sit, wondering what snarky little comments I am going to overlook (or not, as the case may be) from my students, because I dropped the ball. But then again, I do the same thing every summer. That saying about the definition of insanity has been running through my head for days now. Maybe I’m not fat because I don’t eat right, and exercise; maybe I’m fat because I’m nucking futs!

So, its that time again.  Time to once again become a responsible member of society.  Time to dust off the dress pants and pumps, and the old brief case.  And the old lunch box?  I have bought so many contraptions in which to carry my lunch and they last for about a week, and then I am back to buying an endless round of turkey sandwiches from the deli across the street, because that is the healthiest option.  After 6 years, I am sick to death of turkey sandwiches.  The one time I ordered a chicken sandwich, the chicken was spoiled.  So my problem is how to plan lunches that will not bore me, take too much time to make or too much time to eat.  For the first time in 3 years, I will be teaching five periods a day.  I am used to having more time to do what needs to be done, so I have  a lot of readjusting to do.  So now, I have to plan lessons for 15 periods a week, and lunches for 5 days, not to mention planning my wardrobe, and my workouts.  I have 4 outside-the-house workouts per week.  However, I am optomistic.  I mean, I know that I can’t do it, but I’m not depressed, merely amusedly resigned to the upcoming chaos.  Now, some of you may think, “Gee, Tink, forget about the wardrobe.”  Well, if you taught middle school you wouldn’t; those kids are brutal, and they notice everything from a hair trim to new toenail polish.  And honestly, last year, I dropped the personal grooming ball.  I mean, there were days when I looked so bad, I couldn’t blame the kids for making fun of me.  I knew I looked like crap on a stick.  Plus, I tend to feel better and more confident when my hair is done and my make up is nice and my clothes aren’t too big or, more likely, too small.  I tried to new hair salons this summer, and found one I think I like, but I’ll need to go there a couple more times.  I’ve purchased Bare Essentuals and practiced with lots of new makeup techniques.   So, as you can see, I’ve got a lot on my plate.  Am I being vain?  I sound vain to me, but I can’t help it. (LOL)

I was watching America’s Best Dance Crew the other day and I was wondering what it must be like to have a body that does whatever you want it to. Even when I was thin, I was very uncoordinated. I have never completed a successful cartwheel. I would like to be able to do a cartwheel before I die.

There is this one move that I saw on the show and on the Olympic trials called an air flare. It is so cool. Have you ever seen male gymnastics floor routines. When the guys flare their legs and roll on their shoulders. Well an air flare is the same move without the shoulder roll. The move is air borne. So hot! Now, I know that I will never be able to air flare, but I can’t wait until I have more control over my body than it has over me.

p5170024-1.JPGI know that I, like many of us, come on here and whine and complain and just plain ‘fess up when we mess up, but I don’t want all of my buddies to think that that is all I do. I want to share my up moments as well as seek commiseration for my downs. My weight loss isn’t going the way I want it, but other areas of my life are looking up.

I mentioned that I had started a yoga/tai chi class. Well, for the most part I do the yoga because tai chi conflicts with my salsa class. Well, it is working. I have lost inches around my waist and I can now bend over and buckle up my dancing shoes without having to hide my contortions in the studio bathroom. I can also almost do the second breathing pose without wanting to curse out the instructor. (smile) Its a small accomplishment, but its mine and it means a lot to be able to do something that most people can do without having to hide in the bathroom.

Several of you have commented on my new pic. That was a fun day. I took my two young cousins to the city (Manhattan, for the non-New Yorkers). Just me, them and a handful of directions from HopStop.com. We went to see a play by an all-children drama company in midtown. It was impressive, those kids were talented. Then we went downtown to South Street Seaport and rode a boat called the Shark. It went very fast.

Today, my family and I are taking my brother’s girlfriend, who is visiting from Japan to Madame Toussaud’s wax museum. I’ve been there before, but its a lot of fun. So you see, I am living life and enjoying it. I am not cooped up in the house, too embarrassed to go out and let people see the shape I have become. That’s not a healthy attitude and I am fighting it as often as I can.

Part of my problem is that I think I can just wish the fat away. Or that 5 weeks of working out will make 100 lbs. disappear. So I am going to set a reasonable goal. My birthday is at the end of this month. So by the first of August, I want to have lost 8 lbs. That’s a goal of 2 lbs. a week. And if I don’t make it, I will not beat myself up, or give up, or come crying to BS. I will simply report my success or failure, set my new goal and keep on trucking.

I think I am coming to a realization. A really real realization that if I don’t learn to control what I put in my mouth, I am never going to lose this weight. It all comes back down to food. I was eating some pasta and tuna last night, thinking that it was a fairly healthy meal, when my sister pointed out that white flour pasta was basically a bowl of sugar. And she was right. I know that. I think I tend to think in terms of worst case alternatives. “Well, its not fast food, so its ok to eat.”

I want to say that I will just concentrate on working out, and leave the food issue for later, but I know in my heart that that is not the answer. I don’t plan my meals, ever, and that is a major hindrance. I am not a planner, though. I am a fly by seat of my pants kind of gal, and because of that a normal sized family could probably fit in them. Eating right and exercising are the two things that I hate most in this world, but if I don’t get a handle on it, I can kiss my ‘Wants’ list goodbye.

Since I have been working out on a regular basis, my skin has gotten so smooth. I’m not just talking about my face, but all over my body. I used to have lots of bumps on my bum, but now its so smooth. I use a lot less body cream than I used to. I have also noticed a reduction in cellulite. My thighs are not as cottage cheesy as they used to be. I mean, I’m still not about to wear booty shorts or anything, but its a nice change. =+)

“And I heave a huge-normous sigh of relief.” I can’t remember the last time the end of the year was so hectic, but then again, I usually don’t have to move rooms, and I usually don’t go to the end term party, and we don’t usually have a field day event. But it is all over now for the next 60 days, my life is my own. (Give or take a week or so when I will allow my family to bask in my presence.)

OK: about my weight loss journey.

I have been doing the yoga and tai chi and salsa classes which amounts to about 3-4 hours a week, plus I do walk away the pounds at home, at least lately. So I have been losing inches. The reason I have not been losing pounds is because is because I have been eating like a 16 year old. Not a lot, but just not very well. Ok, sometimes a lot. But I am going to try out a lot of new recipes this summer, dust off the old low-fat cookbooks, try to find some vegetables that don’t make me gag. And work on my portion control which is pretty much non existent. Oh yeah, I pretty much stopped drinking water, so I’m guzzling as I write this. (Wouldn’t you know it–my new classroom is even farther from the bathroom. I just can’t catch a break with this water thing.)

Also, I have to buy a new scale. My current one lies. =+)