My Quest to Find My Waist

I rejoined the gym today.  Its been a year since I had a membership.  I am not doing yoga and tai chi anymore, so maybe I’ll make better use of my gym membership this time around.  I signed up for two personal training sessions with a woman who lost 103 lbs. If she could do it, I can do it, right?  I am still having trouble with actually believing that I can do this.  I can’t visualize myself as a person who is not overweight.  I have been overweight for 30 years.  I have been 200+ for the last 18 years.  I have been at an unhealthy weight, compared to my peers, for practically all of my life.  I can’t visualize what I’ve never been.  I am not giving up though.  I lost 30 lbs, and have kept 25 of them off. I would like to lose another 25 by the end of 2009. I would like to lose more than that, but am trying to keep it real.  (Actually, considering that it took me 13 months to lose 30, 25 more in 4 months is NOT keeping it real, is it?  Still–its a goal, a target…something to shoot for.) If I only lose 20, I’ll be overjoyed.  If I lose 10 I’ll be happy with that too.  However, if I lose the 25, I will be over the moon.  People keep telling me how great I look, and while I can see some difference, its not enough for me to be like, “yeah, I look good.”  I have done something good, though and am proud of myself for it.  I just wish I had a way to help me ’see’ what I might look like.  I tried that ‘virtual me’ thing and frankly, it just doesn’t get big enough to represent me, so I can’t see that the ‘me’ that I really look like can ever look like the ‘virtual me’ at my goal weight.  That was convoluted, huh?  Anyway, I am looking forward to the fall.  I tend to lose weight best during this time of year.  Its the keeping it off that I need to work on.