tinkcabell

I was watching America’s Best Dance Crew the other day and I was wondering what it must be like to have a body that does whatever you want it to. Even when I was thin, I was very uncoordinated. I have never completed a successful cartwheel. I would like to be able to do a cartwheel before I die.

There is this one move that I saw on the show and on the Olympic trials called an air flare. It is so cool. Have you ever seen male gymnastics floor routines. When the guys flare their legs and roll on their shoulders. Well an air flare is the same move without the shoulder roll. The move is air borne. So hot! Now, I know that I will never be able to air flare, but I can’t wait until I have more control over my body than it has over me.

p5170024-1.JPGI know that I, like many of us, come on here and whine and complain and just plain ‘fess up when we mess up, but I don’t want all of my buddies to think that that is all I do. I want to share my up moments as well as seek commiseration for my downs. My weight loss isn’t going the way I want it, but other areas of my life are looking up.

I mentioned that I had started a yoga/tai chi class. Well, for the most part I do the yoga because tai chi conflicts with my salsa class. Well, it is working. I have lost inches around my waist and I can now bend over and buckle up my dancing shoes without having to hide my contortions in the studio bathroom. I can also almost do the second breathing pose without wanting to curse out the instructor. (smile) Its a small accomplishment, but its mine and it means a lot to be able to do something that most people can do without having to hide in the bathroom.

Several of you have commented on my new pic. That was a fun day. I took my two young cousins to the city (Manhattan, for the non-New Yorkers). Just me, them and a handful of directions from HopStop.com. We went to see a play by an all-children drama company in midtown. It was impressive, those kids were talented. Then we went downtown to South Street Seaport and rode a boat called the Shark. It went very fast.

Today, my family and I are taking my brother’s girlfriend, who is visiting from Japan to Madame Toussaud’s wax museum. I’ve been there before, but its a lot of fun. So you see, I am living life and enjoying it. I am not cooped up in the house, too embarrassed to go out and let people see the shape I have become. That’s not a healthy attitude and I am fighting it as often as I can.

Part of my problem is that I think I can just wish the fat away. Or that 5 weeks of working out will make 100 lbs. disappear. So I am going to set a reasonable goal. My birthday is at the end of this month. So by the first of August, I want to have lost 8 lbs. That’s a goal of 2 lbs. a week. And if I don’t make it, I will not beat myself up, or give up, or come crying to BS. I will simply report my success or failure, set my new goal and keep on trucking.

I think I am coming to a realization. A really real realization that if I don’t learn to control what I put in my mouth, I am never going to lose this weight. It all comes back down to food. I was eating some pasta and tuna last night, thinking that it was a fairly healthy meal, when my sister pointed out that white flour pasta was basically a bowl of sugar. And she was right. I know that. I think I tend to think in terms of worst case alternatives. “Well, its not fast food, so its ok to eat.”

I want to say that I will just concentrate on working out, and leave the food issue for later, but I know in my heart that that is not the answer. I don’t plan my meals, ever, and that is a major hindrance. I am not a planner, though. I am a fly by seat of my pants kind of gal, and because of that a normal sized family could probably fit in them. Eating right and exercising are the two things that I hate most in this world, but if I don’t get a handle on it, I can kiss my ‘Wants’ list goodbye.