My Quest to Find My Waist

Well, vacation is over and I milked the last few days of it by becoming a total vegetable. I read like 4 or 5 books and put a permanent dent in my mattress and a permanent new bend in my back–and boy can I think of more fun ways to achieve either of those, but you play the hand you’re dealt. I did my half hour tryout dance class and I really like my instructor, Alfred. He is Dominican, but he learned to dance the same way I am, which is kind of funny. He went to school in upstate NY and all of his friends expected him to teach them Latin dancing and he didn’t have a clue. He said he did it to meet girls and the class was 10 girls and 2 guys so he stuck with it. Smart guy! The owner, Myrna, is adorable, she gave me a hug as I was about to leave. Wouldn’t let me leave without one. I think I’m going to like this place better than the old one. Today was a bad first day back. It does not bode well for the next 39 school days, but then again, there are only 39 0ut of 180 school days left. Let the countdown begin. So basically, I have done no workouts, stopped drinking water and have been eating without a lot of thought, but that has to stop. Can’t wait to get back on track. Have a great rest of your day.

Years ago my BFF and I decided to take salsa lessons because it was something we had both always wanted to do.  The unexpected benefit was how great it made me feel.  Yeah, it was awkward at first and my instructor could have been a bit more understanding, seeing as how both E. and I are women of size.  However, while whirling and twirling around the dance floor, I would have a gigantic grin on my face.  It also made me want to go to the gym to have more stamina for the lessons.  So, tomorrow I have an appointment for a mini-lesson at a new studio.  I hope its still as much fun as I remember.

A second unexpected benefit that I have discovered is that of friends who don’t walk as fast as I do.  So I have to do double the workout on the days that I walk with her. That way she doesn’t feel like she is holding back, and I still get in all of my aerobic points for that day. (Any ORU graduates out there? Ya’ll know about aerobic points.)

Years ago when I was on the 6 Week Body Makeover a bunch of us were discussing how we could not stay off of the scale. We dubbed ourselves the Scale Ho’s. For the first few days of this new diet, I had no desire to get on the scale, but about 4 days into the diet when I felt that difference in my body, I wanted to get on the scale. I was supposed to stay off for 9 days. I made it to 6. Then I decided to wait again until 7 days after that. Didn’t make it. I even got on it again before that 9th day. I haven’t been on since saturday, but everytime I go to the bathroom, I have to fight with myself not to get on that scale. I know that I went off of my eating plan this weekend and I didn’t even get back on until lunchtime yesterday, so I can’t have lost any weight, but that still doesn’t stop me from wanting to get on the scale. I hear Leslie Sansone in my head saying “Come on, you want to see the work you’ve done.” (If you do Walk Away the Pounds, then you know that voice, because she never shuts up.)

So, apparently I am still a Scale Ho.  Put a scale in front of me and I will jump on it.  It is a horrible addiction.  Do you think there is a 12 Step for people like me.  [A cynic would say that since I only want to weigh myself when I think I’m losing weight, then the obvious answer would be to stop losing weight.]  Eh! Not gonna happen.  Not until goal.

I guess until then, Scale Ho’s Unite.

Thanx to all of my buddies and all of the other buddyslimmers out there. Trying to lose weight is a war, and usually fought by a single soldier at a time. Using this site for support, challenges, inspiration and friendships makes each of us an army of one (sorry for stealing that). We have new tools and an endless supply of ideas. We know that even though we struggle alone for a time, there will always be emotional backup at the click of a mouse. (This is not coming out the way I want it, but I’m sure you get the idea.) Have a great day, all.

Ever since Wednesday, my diet went on a downward spiral, and last night it was non-existent. Today, I am sick to my stomach and I have a headache, and I know that it’s because of 6 1/2 days of good healthy food followed by 2 1/2 days of bad-for-me food, in bad-for-me sized portions. I have acid reflux and other unmentionable ailments, and I just want to hurl. So today its a diet of saltines and ginger ale, and tomorrow I’m getting back on track (if my stomach allows). I’m going to restart the detox phase. Its supposed to last 9 days and I only made to 6 1/2, so I’m going to start at the beginning. Luckily, I’m on vacation for the next 8 days so that should help.

Weekly goal:

Walk every day

Hit the gym 3-4 times this week for some weight training

Drink lots of water

Celebrate me! Yay! I’m beautiful!

Celebrate all my Buddies! Yay! You are all so beautiful!!!

Celebrate the Heartbreakers! YAY! Go all you beautiful ‘breakers!

(Funny, I don’t feel so awful anymore.)

-Bye

Before the key incident at the park on Wednesday, I had been composing this post in my head and since I have a few moments before the horde descends, I will finish it.

The park is a good place to work out, because if you look around it is filled with motivation. Everyone goes to the park, black, white, hispanic or latino, asians and anyone else I may have forgotten. And most people are there for the same reason: to get or to stay healthy.

There are groups of women who walk together who laugh and chatter like a flock of birds.
There are pre-teens popping wheelies and doing tricks on their bikes.
Groups of men playing basketball, baseball or soccer (football to some of you).
There are families playing touch football, or catch or flying kites or throwing frisbees.
Kids on the playground swinging to kick the sky.
Teenage couples rollerblading and clutching each other for safety’s sake (or so they’d like us to think).
Racing teams flying over the asphalt in formation.
Single walkers and joggers: some frighteningly intense, others cooly relaxed, some just content to get their heart rates up and keep them that way for a while.
Kids on bikes, trikes, blades and razors.
Women’s softball teams and girls who can ball their hearts out.
Women in shorts, workout pants, saris and business suits.
And to everyone of them, and everyone I forget I offer my commendations for getting off the couch and doing something heartsmart and helping to motivate the community at large.

to wear a sari and wear it well

to wear a mini skirt at least once before I die

to go to the beach again

to be able to shop anywhere I want, even 5,7,9 or forever 21–well maybe not 5,7,9

to be able to fly without the arms of the airplanes seats jamming  into my thighs

to want to look in a mirror

to not weigh enough for 2 or 3 people

to be free

to look as sexy as I sometimes feel

to ride a bike again

to be able to check my blind spot w/o breaking my neck

to run…everywhere

to eat without guilt

to not make jokes about my weight in order to forestall others doing it for me

to wear the wedding dress of my dreams, and to not have to settle for whatever comes in my size

to have healthy children who don’t have weight or food issues

to be the me I see in my mind’s eye instead of the me I see in the mirror

So, I’m at the park with my friend and her daughter, and I have to use the bathroom. I go to fieldhouse number 5 because I know that one is open.  I enter the stall close the door and go to hang my keys up on the hook.  I miss, they fall, bounce off the toilet paper dispenser and fall directly into a sewer pipe that looks like it leads straight down to hell.  My car key, my house key.  I screamed.  I had to call my mom, who called my brother, who got my spare and drove it over to me at the park.  It was 8:00 by then, and I had to pick up my sister from school at 9.  So there was no time to go shopping and then cook, so I had some fast food and that is why this story is relevant to you all.  I could not even really be upset, I was laughingly angry at the sheer ridiculousness of what had happened.  I wanted to scream some curses, but my friend’s daughter is only 11 so I had to restrain myself.  Well that is that and good night.

Well its time to see if I can practice what I preach.  While I did resist stopping for ice cream, there were other challenges to be met yesterday, and I was not victorious.  I lost that (those) battles, but the war wages on.  So, no beating myself up, no morning cookie since last night was a bust, but dang those cookies look soooooo goooooood. But no–I did not and I will not, because THEY ARE STILL HERE!!!!  There used to be a time when you couldn’t keep a batch of cookies here for more that a few hours.  Now with me and my sister watching what we eat, she’s eating them so slowwwwwly.  Oh the torture!

Anywho, today has been good so far. Or as good as it could be since I didn’t prepare a lunch last night.  Still I made it through the day on plan.  I just ate a good hunk of watermelon and am meeting my BFF for a walk in the park in 45mns.  After today I can stop working out for a couple of days, but I will probably only take off one day so I can have another day off sometime later in the week.  Since I started on a Thursday, its really weird.  Another trial that I didn’t pass was waiting to weigh in till Saturday.  I lost 5 pounds.  Yeah me!  That makes me happy. And on that note I will go change into my workout clothes and try to plan a lesson for tomorrow.

So, I’m driving home and fighting the crave monster that is whispering to me that I should go and get some Carvel’s (ice cream) but I’m staying strong and pass that exit on the parkway and head to my exit, which doesn’t take me past anything remotely tempting.  I walk in the door and my sister is there.  Eating a cookie.  Not some nasty store bought junk, but a homemade cookie.  Not just any homemade cookie, my world-famous (in my own head at least) recipe.  I won’t give the name because it push anyone teetering right over the edge.  Did she remember that I’m dieting and make just enough to satisfy her own sweettooth.  Ha! Of course not, she made the whole batch.  So instead of the eggs I was going to snack on, I washed off some strawberries and made some sweet potato fries.  Did they help? Yeah.  Is it going to last? I just don’t know.  I did  mention yesterday’s chicken incident didn’t I?